Horsie-Love

So, don't read too much into this. Yes, that's right. I'm asking you to read it, but not read into it. If you think you can, you're welcome to read on.

If not, there is this.

Anyhow, so I was watching t.v. the other day (that was a test. For those of you who know me, you may know that I cancelled my cable months ago.) So, months ago, I was watching the History Channel as I carefully shaded a coloring book page from my niece. A woman was speaking. I wasn't listening, being very happy coloring Hello Kitty's nose pink.

"You want them smart, but not too smart. If they're too smart, they'll figure out a way to get around what you tell them to do. If they're not smart enough, they never figure it out."

It sounded like something a former roommate would say on her man-hunts. I looked up. The woman, in a lavender chambray button-up and feathered hair (itself antiquated enough to be befitting the History Channel) leaned against a peeling fence in what appeared to be Ireland's rolling hills. Was she talking about what I thought she was talking about?

Cut to Romans on horseback. Apparently not.

My mistake.

Cut back to the woman in lavender, now crouched over to scratch a foal's fuzzy nose and give it a kiss.

Well, maybe. . .

Smear and Stare

First, let me explain the title of this blog.

I've noticed, recently, that the difficult conversations begin with "so":

"So, I've been thinking a lot about this and. . ."

"So, I've read your proposal; it's good, but. . ."

"So, I know you said earlier that. . ."

"So" is, for me, a very difficult word to understand, much less to define. At one level, it acts as a referent in acknowledging preceding conversations, history, what have you. It can excuse and explain -- "and so, you see. . ." -- and it can be positive "it's not so bad, Melissa." Or negative: "that's so bad, Melissa!" And it can just be. A filler of space, a purchaser of time, and a chance to think. The spontaneous, the tall-tales, and the everyday conversations also start with it. So. . .

What does "so" mean to me exactly? I don't aim to find out, really. Just to find the many uses of "so". And to put them to use.

Now, without much further ado, on to something my addled brain's thought up. It's a random thought, I know, but it begins with a "so," so I think it appropriate today.:

So I'm looking through my window at a 5:30 AM, pre-dawn Arlington in the rain, through smeared notes I've written in whiteboard marker on the window from last week's brainstorm. For whatever reason -- I've forgotten -- it's a sequence of numbers.

I've always hated numbers, but I like their smear and how right now, I don't see them but through them, and how from here, they mix with the rain drops on the other side, even if they never touch.